guilt, the bastard

***before start reading this post, pls do not that i m not saying that we shouldnt ignore the precautions that we always know, or ignore the conscience that we have, i m saying that when all has been done, or due to some wrong decisions, some mistake has been made, the mistake is already there, it cnt be reversed, there's no use of asking why didnt i bla bla bla and let guilt ruin our remaining lives, instead it makes sense if we learn from our mistake and dont repeat the mistake again.



just happen to read a blog, something about the past, something which happens to be a test of one's sincerity in a friendship. Its some 'do it, and u pass the test as someone who is still humane, who considers for others, and more as a bonus, you are a true sincere friend'; 'not doing it, then you should feel guilty about yourself, for not being able to help when a friend is in trouble, you are just one damn bastard who would not step out to the front line to offer your help'

well, i am the latter, and yes, i did felt bad about it, and i am the typical kind who will just easily feel bad about something, and will do something just for the sake of not feeling guilty, and the sense of happiness for helping others is just some extra bonus. Looking back, that should not be the way, isnt it? Shouldn't it be the other way round? Why 'help only when you know you will feel guilty of not helping', but not 'helping because you want to help'?

we, at least me, has been lacking this simplest definition of our way of living, its all been altered, i lived my life carefully so that i can keep a clean record all of my life, without any dirty portion of committing crimes, without any guilt of ruining some unfortunate soul's life and whatever miserable stuffs that one can think of.

Believe me, this mindset will drive you crazy one day, you will be too careful until an extent when you start not believing in yourself that you've done everything right when you've actually did. That might sound ridiculous to some of you guys out there, but yeah... well... hmmm...

This makes me start thinking about what if, one day i did commit some real serious offence, ruining someone's life, which will make the sense of guilt deeply planted in me, how would i live with it? Scrutinizing this hilarious mindset, whats the logic behind this when you are actually more afraid of the guilt more than being afraid of ruining someone's life? And when this really happens, say you have made someone paralyzed for the rest of his/her life or even killed someone in an accident, what we can actually do? One, jump off one of the skycrapers in the city to get yourself forever buried, and hence burying away all the guilt that you couldn't face for the rest of your life; Two, no choice but to face it, either positively or negatively(might probably live in ever terror, fearing the souls of the victims might get some revenge on you, and finally end up committing suicide as a consequences of not being able to cope with this kind of mental torture). So the only way is to continue to live in a positive way, learning the lesson, and see whats installed for us next... some would say, what about the victim, now he/she is dead because of you, he/she is dead and will never be back! you can get a second chance, then who will give the victim a second chance! Thats indeed "THE STATEMENT" which will make guilt stick to one, and slowly but surely pushing one to committing suicide as a result of failing to cope with "THE STATEMENT". But hey, it has happened, there's really no other ways to make the situation better, crying and feeling guilty will not revive the victims, it will only inflict more pain on yourself without making the situation better in any perspective, be it from the victim, victim's family or you yourself.

so, yeah... maybe committing crimes or other serious offences (including those due to carelessness) are not that horrifying actually, maybe after all is just the guilt that we are fearing. If you have really committed an offense or some mistakes, like not helping others in need or something even worse, most importantly make sure that the lesson is learnt, and not wasting your time with 'guilt' the monster meaninglessly...
so, do remember, when the wound is made, its there, its meaningless for you staring it with your teary eyes, saying a million times of 'sorry', you'd rather learn the lesson, and know what you should do when the same situation comes facing you again. And this can only be done when we live our lives without fearing guilt, without letting guilt decide what we should and shouldn't do...

conclusion: if you've committed a mistake/offence, learn the lesson, 尽可能减低对所有人的伤害, and do know how to face it when it recurs, for the sake of not inflicting the pain again on you yourself or others, but not for the sake of avoiding guilt, guilt is just nothing but a bastard which doesn't help in any sense instead of making the situation worst off! So, lets just ignore GUILT, lets live and act according to our conscience!